An Abysmal Cliff

University is no joke. I'm finding it quite tough to cope. Of course, I'm not stretched to my limits yet. The thing is, I have no idea what's my limit. Because I'm a slacker. I try to take things easy most of them. But sometimes, I feel like plunging myself into a state of total struggle; to experience abysmal. Not because I have nothing better to do, but because I feel like it's time to challenge myself. The last time I had this feeling was... slightly more than a year ago? When I made the decision to join YEP. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and yet I felt that I still didn't make the most out of it.

Why am I always like this? When will I ever stretch myself enough to reach my best? Right now, I'd say things are not easy for me; I'm trying too juggle between school(my first year in college) and work(I work part-time every Wednesday night and on weekends). On top of this, I have YFP training and SAVE subcomm(where I need to start contributing more). I feel more tired physically and mentally(although not so much), but I still feel that it's not enough. But at the same time, I'm having thoughts about quitting SAVE. It's weird how I find my involvement unnecessary when 1) I don't put in enough efforts to fight for its cause, 2) I know precisely how much support environment clubs need, 3) I tend to sneer at those that don't give enough shit to environmental issues. Yet, I find myself falling into nonchalance.  

My beliefs and ideals still stand... But what have I done so far to achieve them? I give myself excuses that it's not my time yet, when I know that opportunities must be created by myself.

I'm pissing me off. Hah.

Response to tattoos

I'm supposed to be doing work now; hell lot of deadlines coming up but I just felt like writing. #geekyYOLO

From my blog stats, I realised(British spelling) that most of readers are from the U.S.(20 hour flight from Singapore). Don't know if you guys know this, but in Asian countries like mine, people tend to associate people with tattoos as gangsters. Probably due to the Asian tradition of getting a gang tattoo when you become a gang member. People just don't take tattoos too well basically. Of course, this is more common among the older generation(middle-aged and above) than the younger generation.

My mother would always remind me not to get tattoos when she sees anyone with a substantial amount of tattoos on their bodies. That I'll regret it when I get older. So, naturally, I never gave much thought to tattoos, and even remember myself sneering at some with unsightly tattoos. Yes, that was very judgmental and wrong of me. And you might be surprised to know that this post is about me wanting to get a tattoo for the first time in my life, mainly because of this tattoo artist that I chanced upon. I love how clean and simple they are; like a permanent pen doodle or something.

I guess this is also an example of 1) how brainwashing stereotypes are(like, I think I spent more than 10 years of my life thinking "guys with tattoos" = "bad people"), 2) our parents are NOT always right(right/wrongness is subjective), 3) being more open-minded gives you new, refreshing thoughts.