Wednesday, 29 October 2014

An Abysmal Cliff

University is no joke. I'm finding it quite tough to cope. Of course, I'm not stretched to my limits yet. The thing is, I have no idea what's my limit. Because I'm a slacker. I try to take things easy most of them. But sometimes, I feel like plunging myself into a state of total struggle; to experience abysmal. Not because I have nothing better to do, but because I feel like it's time to challenge myself. The last time I had this feeling was... slightly more than a year ago? When I made the decision to join YEP. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and yet I felt that I still didn't make the most out of it.

Why am I always like this? When will I ever stretch myself enough to reach my best? Right now, I'd say things are not easy for me; I'm trying too juggle between school(my first year in college) and work(I work part-time every Wednesday night and on weekends). On top of this, I have YFP training and SAVE subcomm(where I need to start contributing more). I feel more tired physically and mentally(although not so much), but I still feel that it's not enough. But at the same time, I'm having thoughts about quitting SAVE. It's weird how I find my involvement unnecessary when 1) I don't put in enough efforts to fight for its cause, 2) I know precisely how much support environment clubs need, 3) I tend to sneer at those that don't give enough shit to environmental issues. Yet, I find myself falling into nonchalance.  

My beliefs and ideals still stand... But what have I done so far to achieve them? I give myself excuses that it's not my time yet, when I know that opportunities must be created by myself.

I'm pissing me off. Hah.

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