Thursday, 20 November 2014

Response to my social life

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm socially awkward. Or rather, whether I have an emotional barrier. I just never seem to get super close with people. Like in YEP, I actually spent like 3-4 months(met on a weekly basis) with the people in my group but they just look a lot closer with each other than I am. It's not as if they aren't nice people, they are honestly some of the most admirable people I've ever met despite their flaws(that they admit to. Which is of course another reason why they're so admirable). But the fact that I don't feel as bonded like everyone else are is one of the reasons why I felt that I didn't get the most out of  it(the other reasons are more personal) I just... can't seem to let anyone see the whole truth of me. Like, my screwed up side. I just don't see the need to, maybe. I have no trouble talking to new people though I'm never the most sociable or endearing character.

To me, other people always seem to be having more fun than I am(whether it is genuine or not). I find lots of joy alone, but I have this gut feeling that I can experience so much more when it's just more than one person. I want others to feel my sincerity, but sometimes, I wonder if I have any.

Quote of the month

A quote that has been giving me the strength to last through this revision week:

"When your determination changes, everything will begin to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, 'This is never going to work out,' then at that instant every single cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight." - Daisaku Ikeda