Pre-response to end of 2014

It's December, which also means that the year 2014 is coming to an end.

It's really cliche to say this but, this year passed by waaaay too quickly. I always find it sad after looking at my new year resolutions for the year and then realising that I didn't complete even 10% of it. Okay, enough with the self-pitying.

I am planning to do a review on the modules that I took in NUS for my very first semester in the school. So, yeah, that's that. I have nothing else to update omg I'm such a failed blogger. Oh well, this site has always been more of a journal for me to jot down my random thoughts instead of one that caters to the public.

Another year passes by with me wasting my own time despite all that I've been through in the past 2 years. My rabbit probably accomplished more than I did this year, like, eating two carrots under ten minutes or something. Now aren't I a great example of us genetically superior humans?

Response to my social life

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm socially awkward. Or rather, whether I have an emotional barrier. I just never seem to get super close with people. Like in YEP, I actually spent like 3-4 months(met on a weekly basis) with the people in my group but they just look a lot closer with each other than I am. It's not as if they aren't nice people, they are honestly some of the most admirable people I've ever met despite their flaws(that they admit to. Which is of course another reason why they're so admirable). But the fact that I don't feel as bonded like everyone else are is one of the reasons why I felt that I didn't get the most out of  it(the other reasons are more personal) I just... can't seem to let anyone see the whole truth of me. Like, my screwed up side. I just don't see the need to, maybe. I have no trouble talking to new people though I'm never the most sociable or endearing character.

To me, other people always seem to be having more fun than I am(whether it is genuine or not). I find lots of joy alone, but I have this gut feeling that I can experience so much more when it's just more than one person. I want others to feel my sincerity, but sometimes, I wonder if I have any.

Quote of the month

A quote that has been giving me the strength to last through this revision week:

"When your determination changes, everything will begin to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, 'This is never going to work out,' then at that instant every single cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight." - Daisaku Ikeda

An Abysmal Cliff

University is no joke. I'm finding it quite tough to cope. Of course, I'm not stretched to my limits yet. The thing is, I have no idea what's my limit. Because I'm a slacker. I try to take things easy most of them. But sometimes, I feel like plunging myself into a state of total struggle; to experience abysmal. Not because I have nothing better to do, but because I feel like it's time to challenge myself. The last time I had this feeling was... slightly more than a year ago? When I made the decision to join YEP. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and yet I felt that I still didn't make the most out of it.

Why am I always like this? When will I ever stretch myself enough to reach my best? Right now, I'd say things are not easy for me; I'm trying too juggle between school(my first year in college) and work(I work part-time every Wednesday night and on weekends). On top of this, I have YFP training and SAVE subcomm(where I need to start contributing more). I feel more tired physically and mentally(although not so much), but I still feel that it's not enough. But at the same time, I'm having thoughts about quitting SAVE. It's weird how I find my involvement unnecessary when 1) I don't put in enough efforts to fight for its cause, 2) I know precisely how much support environment clubs need, 3) I tend to sneer at those that don't give enough shit to environmental issues. Yet, I find myself falling into nonchalance.  

My beliefs and ideals still stand... But what have I done so far to achieve them? I give myself excuses that it's not my time yet, when I know that opportunities must be created by myself.

I'm pissing me off. Hah.

Response to tattoos

I'm supposed to be doing work now; hell lot of deadlines coming up but I just felt like writing. #geekyYOLO

From my blog stats, I realised(British spelling) that most of readers are from the U.S.(20 hour flight from Singapore). Don't know if you guys know this, but in Asian countries like mine, people tend to associate people with tattoos as gangsters. Probably due to the Asian tradition of getting a gang tattoo when you become a gang member. People just don't take tattoos too well basically. Of course, this is more common among the older generation(middle-aged and above) than the younger generation.

My mother would always remind me not to get tattoos when she sees anyone with a substantial amount of tattoos on their bodies. That I'll regret it when I get older. So, naturally, I never gave much thought to tattoos, and even remember myself sneering at some with unsightly tattoos. Yes, that was very judgmental and wrong of me. And you might be surprised to know that this post is about me wanting to get a tattoo for the first time in my life, mainly because of this tattoo artist that I chanced upon. I love how clean and simple they are; like a permanent pen doodle or something.

I guess this is also an example of 1) how brainwashing stereotypes are(like, I think I spent more than 10 years of my life thinking "guys with tattoos" = "bad people"), 2) our parents are NOT always right(right/wrongness is subjective), 3) being more open-minded gives you new, refreshing thoughts.

Why I decided to take up a religion

There are several reasons why I felt the need to seriously take up a religion, some of which I do not feel like sharing on my blog just yet. The ultimate reason that made me take up faith can be summarised in a single quote: "Wisest is she who knows she does not know." Jostein Gaarder mentioned this in his book, 'Sophie's World'(which is my book-version of a soulmate despite the fact that I have not yet finished reading it) and I think Aristotle or Socrates said something like that as well. 

I know this quote is quite a paradox, since it implies that the wisest person knows that she does not know, so technically she does know something: that she does not know. But I guess the real point behind this quote is that you can't possibly, truly know anything since truth is also defined as justified true belief. And I, for one, will not settle and agree that any justification is totally objective, accurate or reliable. Everything that I know as knowledge is only so because that's what I choose to believe. 

And since I can't say anything is totally 'true', I decided to start choosing the best 'truths' for myself. Thus I ended up seriously taking up Nichiren Buddhism because I decided to agree with at least 90% of what this religion claims and I just really like what it stands for. If it's going to take up a huge part of my life, it might as well be the best. And yes, I do believe that taking up this religion is better than having none or being strongly against religions because the thing about Nichiren Buddhism is that it focuses a lot on human revolution(something along the lines of development of inner self to attain buddhahood[indestructable happiness]). I find myself reflecting more and being more considerate of others and yeah, for now I'm happy with what I settled with.  

Response to joy & suffering

Apr 2016 edit: Wow, less than 2 years ago I was so motivated and ambitious... What happened to me? Today, I just complain about college on a daily basis and relent to the 'reality' that I am powerless when it comes to making a change in this world. Thank you 2014 self, for reminding of the optimism (some say naivety) I once had. I will try my best to find it again. #1 reason why keeping a blog and re-reading your old posts should be everyone's hobby.

Found this blog post in my draft and I'm publishing this because I think it's kinda relevant to the post that I published 1 minute ago(may be a bit repetitive cos I didn't want to change anything from this draft):

Yesterday, I received a message from a friend and it was a meme that was kinda like the one below. It's not the actual meme that he sent me but the underlying message was similar.



Anyway, he said to remember that there is always someone in a worse situation than you. I suppose it was suppose to teach me to be grateful and feel more optimistic. Not that I needed it but what on earth. How on earth am I suppose to feel encouraged about knowing that I am not in the worst situation possible, knowing that other people are suffering much more? In fact, it makes me feel bad that I am not doing anything to help improve their situations. Honestly, I don't think I can do much as a 19-year-old and yeah some of you, the very ones who are doing nothing as well, will go: "Aww come on, that's just an excuse. You can do soooo many things!"

No.

I alone cannot solve global warming, bring down corrupted governments, stop violence with my current status and knowledge. Heck, I can't even get my siblings to behave! So yes, I am as helpless and as worthless as anyone can be. But this does not mean that I stay stagnant. I do not plan to stay this way and I am still figuring out how I can help to solve the many problems in our "admittedly imperfect world"(as told by Franklin Roosevelt).

Also, I much prefer memes like this:

Response to blog stats

A while ago, my blog stats exceeded 1,000. I was quite surprised. I didn't think that my thoughts were... exposed to so many people. 1,000 might be a super minute amount of people, considering the limitless outreach of the internet, but I am truly grateful that people actually take time to read what I have to say.

According to Blogger, my audience includes people(ranked in descending order) from U.S., Singapore, Indonesia, Germany, Russia, U.K., Canada, South Korea, Australia and India. How cool is that? The wonderful thing about the internet is that it links the whole world(well, almost) within one single portal.

Quote of the month

"Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist." - Epicurus.

Response to MH17

Some people like to say that things happen for a reason, and I too, have said it before. Then, what could be the reason behind this tragedy? What mistakes are we making, that we need to sacrifice the lives of hundreds, to remind us so?

Franklin Roosevelt said, in 1945, that our world is "an admittedly imperfect*" one. That's almost 70 years ago. Perfection is a fantasy, unreachable probably. But have we put in enough effort to make it less imperfect? What I do...? Will anything that I do be enough?

* http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/?pid=16595

Just saying

I wonder all the time. But a lot of times, I'm not interested enough to make an effort to find out the answers.

Answers, at many times, have proved to be unsatisfying too.

Are children really born as 'pieces of white paper'?(or, why do we have sexual desires/instincts?)

I remember some article was saying internet porn has resulted in many teenagers being exposed to sexual materials too early. This got me thinking: are sexual desires innate and natural or unnatural(that we are all born like a piece of white paper and are then affected by external factors)?

For now, I stand on the side of 'innate and natural', because if we didn't, cave people, who do not have access to porn(soft or hardcopy) wouldn't have reproduced so many waves of descendants. However, let's say I conducted an experiment which involves a boy(assuming that he is innately straight) being enclosed in an all-male environment, with absolutely no exposure to any sexual materials, what conclusion would I get?

Let's look at this in a Christian's perspective(not a Christian myself but I shall borrow their theories in attempt for a different perspective on this). They say God created humans. So he probably played a part in inserting the element of having sexual desires into humans. Why would he do that? Are humans not smart enough to know that there is a need for reproduction to sustain our kind? Are humans not smart enough to find a way to reproduce through sex, without first having the desire to do so? The first two cave people who had sex probably didn't know that they were gonna produce a baby cos they were simply following their sexual desires/ instincts!

To be honest, I often start thinking about a question without knowing why so I don't really know where I'm going with this. Heck, I don't even have a conclusion! Or rather, I have the ironic conclusion of having no conclusion. I probably need to think more deeply about this but I'll just leave it here for now because I feel like it(again, an unexplainable instinct). Which brings me to another question: is it possible to have unexplainable instincts? Are instincts even what we define it to be? 

Or worse, are we defined by our instincts?

Response to University Acceptance

"The proud mission of those who have been able to receive education must be to serve, in seen and unseen ways, the lives of those who have not had this opportunity." - Daisaku Ikeda

 
Countdown Widgets

Response to awesomeness

http://1000awesomethings.com/ has been on my bookmarks bar for a few years but I haven't read the blog for quite a while... Reading it today reminded me of how easy it is to find joy in our lives! I've always thought myself as an optimistic person, but the author of this blog puts me to shame! :P For the fun of it, I'll just share 5 awesome things that happened to me in the month of May!

1. Trip to Langkawi with my awesome friends. The best(and only) high school grad trip! Made new friends, tried out many things for the first time(chilling at a waterfall, jet-ski island hopping, parasailing, banana-boating, riding a scooter, dozing off on a hammock, swimming in a lake, walking beside cows) with great company!:') #langkaki

2. Affordable Art Fair with Visual Art classmates. I think I forgot how much I enjoy spending time with these people. They are fun, crazy and artsy, and I'm always super comfortable around them cos they're just as weird as I am;D Plus, the works at AAF were so good! Will definitely keep myself updated with a few of my favourite artists in AAF.

3. Trip to (somewhere near) Ipoh. Wasn't a vacation but I managed to learn so much from this trip and really reflected upon my own faith. Also got super inspired by my seniors in faith who relentlessly put their faith into action through kosen-rufu.

4. NUS FASS open house. Special thanks to the random geography senior(didn't manage to catch his name) who explained everything that I needed to know. Was so bloody confused by the whole bidding system and university matters and I am super grateful that he helped to explain everything even though I told him I wasn't interested in taking geography from the start. Hoping that all seniors are as helpful:)

5. Balik Kampung by GUI at Bottle Tree Park. Super thankful for this bunch of eco-friendly, peace-loving volunteers! Balik Kampung is a beautiful place and I love walking in the small stream to the compulsory reflection session. They even provide lunch for all volunteers that are made with organic veggies and spices from their gardens!

Bonus: Revisiting http://1000awesomethings.com/ after 1 year++!(Probably even longer than that) If it wasn't for this blog, this post wouldn't even exist. Awesome!

Response to The Neighbourhood & Happiness Ranking(by countries)

"Happiness is figurative; I'm happy 'cause of me, doesn't matter where I'm living." - 'West Coast', The Neighbourhood.

Got really inspired by this song by The Neighbourhood. Not my favourite song from them(WDYWFM is). Anyway this line really just stuck out and immediately reminded me of the happiness ranking(by countries). It should also be noted that Singapore is ranked as one of the lowest developed countries. It's funny how the happy countries are those that are considered 'developing'. Actually, it's not really funny. Given that happiness is the ultimate goal of living, does it mean that development is less than ideal? Of course, the rankings are probably only true to a certain extent, but I have heard many people around me expressing their distaste for the hectic and boring life of Singapore. I never got why though. We are so goddamned blessed. If you're a Singaporean reading this, was there ever a time when you had to worry about not having enough to eat, not having a shelter over your head, or not having healthcare facilities in your proximity? Highly unlikely. Of course, for our country to move forward, it is probably important for us to compare with countries that are doing better instead of those who are not as developed... But are we sacrificing other (es.p non-material factors) that are far more important?

Wanted this post to be longer but I'm not really in the mood for writing. Just finished my presentation on Social Impact Bond with the division that I only had approx. 1 day to do because I took leave to go to Malaysia.

Response to Consequentialism(Robin Hood and The Outsider/The Stranger)

The ends justify the means. According to Wikipedia, this phrase encapsulates the theory of Consequentialism. Meaning the consequences of one's conduct are the ultimate basis for any judgment about the rightness or wrongness of that conduct, i.e. the method of achieving a particular result doesn't really matter. I guess this does make sense to a certain extent as it is important to consider one's true intention in any matter. BUT, What is the ideal 'end'? 'End' here, as I interpret it, is probably like, the ultimate goal, which can be happiness for all humanity, gender equality, income equality, etc.

You know what, screw this. What is right or wrong? This question reminds me of the book 'The Outsider', or 'The Stranger', by Albert Camus. It is the first philosophical book that I have ever read and of course, it blew me away and catalyzed the workings of my brain(which wasn't being active despite numerous generalized and superficial TOK lectures. If you do not decipher this as sarcasm, we can't be friends). As readers, we'd naturally judge Mersault with accordance to our own principles and perspective(which is exactly the trap that Camus is setting as the author and thus shows the flaw of our society ridden in ourselves and hence why this is a bloody brilliant book).

Very often, when I think about philosophical questions(to the best I can at least) and common society issues, I come to the same conclusion: Perspectives. Everyone has their own perspective, okay some may decide to follow how a certain religion or philosopher views things, or have similar thoughts to others but the main point is that perspectives are subjective. And I've always felt that this is also the main reason why there are conflicts in our world. Well, obviously, if people are able to come to the same consensus, we wouldn't have so many problems now. Not saying that having many different perspectives is bad; diversity is extremely important. I was referring more to the essence of these different perspectives.

This brings me to my example of Robin Hood. I don't know much about this guy, except that he robbed from the rich and gave those stolen money to the poor. According to Wikipedia, he is a "heroic outlaw". I know I shouldn't be referring to Wiki so much 'cos it's probably not the most accurate source available but just to give you a glimpse of how the general audience views him. Also because it is extremely accessible of course. I personally like the phrase "heroic outlaw", it gives Robin Hood this extra sense of heroism given the context of Medieval times where the rich are barbarians who couldn't care less for the poor(Caution: dubious accuracy. This is my own impression and I can't be bothered to research to verify this). The term 'outlaw' brings me back to 'The Outsider'/'The Stranger' again(If you read this book you will know why I made the connection). How fair is the 'law'? And what do we make of the word 'justice'? Okay this is a large and unfamiliar topic to me so this shall wait.

Anyways, Mr Hood is a fine example of consequentialism. He commits the crime of robbery for the benefit of the poor. It's like how it's not legal for aid workers to secretly bring in say, food supplies into North Korea to save them from starvation. Hoorays. Sure, in the poor's perspective, this is awesome; this is right! But what about the rich barbarians? I'm quite sure they weren't too pleased about having their money stolen; probably thought it was very wrong of Mr Hood to take their money like that.

Let me link this to governance. For me, the government is either on the rich man's side, or the poor man's side. Feel free to disagree and say that I'm being a little extreme but yeah, this is my opinion. And I'm definitely for the poor man's side because the rich needs to care less about possessing money before we can even talk about peace and equality. Just putting out the food on the table! Although I would think that the rich people wouldn't like to give out the money that they've worked hard for. Back to the importance of humanism and compassion once again! And as usual, I have diverted away from my original topic. Sigh.

Follow-up on Veganism

A really good Vegan-101 video. 15 minutes into the video and this guy has made more sense than what our culture has been telling us for years. Watch at least 20 minutes of this video and I promise it'll will do you good. I also love how this guy calls eggs "hen period" hahaha.

P.S. I kinda teared up at the last bit when the cow ran in the field.

Response to change in diet

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I'm thinking of becoming a lacto-vegetarian. And I just ate McDonald's yesterday. Okay. I have no excuses. But after watching this video, I'm quite sure I'm turning 100% vegan.

I know this isn't this most updated video, and I know it's not representative of all farmers, but like I said before, I don't want to take away anymore lives. I know that many of these farm animals wouldn't even be born into the world without consumers' demand for meat but what is the point of giving life and then knowing that it will be subjected to forced deaths? For these farmers, they are probably just more concerned about their own livelihoods than to care about how an animal, that is totally not related to him, is suffering and that's, sadly, human nature. It's normal to be selfish when you're not having enough to survive(though I'm not saying that it's right) But as someone who is not put into such an extreme situation, I don't want to be saying that this(cruelty and killing) is okay(by demanding for meat).

Seriously though, why do we eat meat when we can survive just as fine(in fact, even better) with plants alone? Our change in diet is the most necessary yet neglected paradigm shift that is needed for a more compassionate Earth.

Response to MH370

Inspired by the MH370 incident. In no means disrespecting the victims of this somber event. Hope I'm not offending anyone. It simply sparked me to write these two fictional scenarios because up till today, I don't think anyone really knows what happened to MH370. 

Version 1

“I’ll settle for one-fifty,” said the Captain, “And the rest of the crew gets one each. Deal?”

“Deal.” And the line went off.

239. It was surprising how many people want to just ‘disappear’ from the realms of the Earth. “Is it that difficult for anyone to disappear into thin air?” The Captain wondered. The tickets to this flight weren’t cheap at all. He felt compelled to leave the pilot seat to see the boarding passengers. Why did they need such obscurity?

Erasing these unnecessary thoughts, the Captain ran through the plan for the twenty-fourth time in his head: Fly the plane as per normal, wait for signal to cut off communications, ignore attempts of contact, follow the script provided if necessary, land the plane at targeted meeting point, and alight with passengers. Simple and straightforward. Doesn’t matter if GPS is installed within the plane. Doesn’t matter if the blackbox ever gets retrieved. No dead bodies will be found because there will not be any. If the plan ever gets cracked, the passengers would have safely made their way into the shadows already.

As nervous as the Captain was, he was also excited to be part of this big plan. He haven’t felt this way since his very first flight. By the end of this he would be more than one and a half million richer. The only reason why he agreed to this was because it meant that he would not need to fly an airplane ever again. He had no baggage; no family, an unsubstantial amount of friends, and a few debts he would not mind leaving behind. Given the bad economy, it did not take a lot to convince his young and ambitious crew either.  

The plan went on without any glitches and for no reason at all, the Captain announced, “Good night, Malaysian three-seven-zero," and then put on the yellow life jacket that equipped him with a new life.

Version 2

“I’ll settle for two mil.,” said the Captain, “Deal?”

“Deal.” And the line went off.

239. It was crazy how many people would spend money to take a suicide flight. “Rich people are sure screwed up,” The Captain thought. Well, to be fair, he was not that sane himself. But he needed the money for Sarah’s surgery. “Better me than her”, he was definite about this.

Bringing himself back to reality, the Captain ran through the plan for the twenty-fourth time in his head. Fly the plane as per normal, wait for signal to cut off communications, ignore attempts of contact, follow the script provided if necessary, and dive. Simple and straightforward. Doesn’t matter if GPS is installed within the plane. Doesn’t matter if the blackbox ever gets retrieved. If the plan ever gets cracked, our lives would have completely disengaged from our dead bodies already.

The plan went on without any glitches and to signal the finale, the Captain announced, “Good night, Malaysian three-seven-zero," and then made one last prayer for Sarah before the black sea swallowed the vehicle into its trudging currents.

Response to TOK

My revelation after 2 years of TOK:

Knowledge only holds as much truth as we give it credit for. 

Most of the time, we accept supposed knowledge out of convenience.

And that there is no real truth. Truth is a lot of times, subjective, I believe. 

*edit* Found this quote: "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates