Response to my own blog, March 2015

I realised that my blog posts are getting increasingly less intellectual (not that I ever was but yeah). This coincides with recent comments from a few of my friends that NUS is making me more dumb. Maybe my brain isn't functioning as well as it used to. That's really sad because I have really big dreams that I want to fulfill that I will definitely need brains for.

What's my dream? Creating a culture of appreciation. Appreciation for everything.

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I am not the only one." - If you don't know where this is from, google it.

P.S. As you can tell, my posts tend to progress to something totally unrelated to the title.

Response to my GL2102 essay

Omg I don't get why I'm having so much trouble writing my GL2102 essay... My current confidence level is like zero and I just keep deleting&addingdeleting&adding meaningless words onto a Microsoft Word page.

Am I not cut out for Global Studies...?

Does money influence our moral actions?

Just read in the paper (Straits Times) that the number of households who support their elderly parents "out of love" is higher in the above $8,000 monthly household income group as compared to households of lower monthly incomes, where the lower the monthly income, the less likely it is for the household to support it's elderly "out of love".

Are our morals determined by our capabilities? Or in this specific case, our economic status?

How does our control over money (or lack thereof) come between our moral intentions/actions?

I find this a bit dark... yet understandable.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

But aren't we losing the opportunity to do something else every single second that we're living? What is losing? Is it only losing when the alternative is significant? How can we lose freedom when we have free will?

Mid-semester response to Y1S2 2014/15

Half a semester has passed.... Don't feel like I've achieved much. Did I just waste like, $2000?



Are rights man-made?
People only talk about rights when they feel threatened. 

Family

There's this visually impaired student in one of my modules and his father would come into lecture with him every time. He would politely go up to the podium and request to record the day's lecture. And then, very cautiously, he would place the recorder right beside the professor before retreating quietly back to the seat beside his son's.

This is probably only 1% of what most parents would do for their own child/children. Nevertheless, it warms my heart. And I'll end with this question: what are you willing to do for your family?

An endless rat race

Came across this remarkable piece of modern art. It's as old as I am. Meaning, people have been stuck in the same tedious cycle of living for at least 20 years now. Someone go put on the firecrackers.

Horses Running Endlessly, Gabriel Orozco

 

Just a line that stood out to me today

"Some things, slide by so carelessly." - Smile Like You Mean It, The Killers

Quote of the Month

"Never be swept along by force of habit." - Daisaku Ikeda.

What happens after we die?

Consider these 3 scenarios:
1) After we die, we wait for our next life/ we go to hell or heaven/ other religious theories. And that of all religions, only one is "correct", or perhaps, there exists a sole force that governs all religions.
2) After we die, we simply cease to exist.
3) After we die, what happens to us depends on the belief that we held pre-death, on the assumption that there exists more than one universe. In a sense, all religious beliefs are "correct".

 

The first two were straightforward enough. I came up with the third one after recalling some Fringe (a show of concentrated, wouldn't say pure, awesomeness) episodes so this is probably not a new/ original school of thought.

 

I'm just curious about what other people believe in (hence the poll) and your responses wouldn't really affect my current beliefs but do note that this should not be taken light-heartedly. And if you clicked 'Others' please comment down below on your alternative scenario/ belief.

 

free polls

Response to Y1S1 2014/15 results

HELLO! My blog is a hermit crab who has found a new home: https://enaeki.wordpress.com/

Just got my results today! And sadly, I am quite accurate when it comes to guessing my final results hah. Got a B- for GL1101E(this will be the first and last time I'm revealing my final grade), but who cares, I'm officially a Global Studies major! Lesson learnt from this semester: 好的开始是成功的一半 (A good start brings you halfway to success). I totally started on the wrong foot this sem, which was made worse by my complacency, thinking that college is easy to handle. Complacency is seriously one of my greatest weaknesses that has brought me down so many times... I am not going to let myself ruin my university life. Not only that, I realised that I have been constantly complaining about the modules that I'm taking and most of the time, I didn't take pride in my work. And when I did feel proud of my submission, it was returned with good results. So this is another lesson learnt. You'll do well when you enjoy what you're doing because you'll naturally put in more effort. I'm sure you've heard this more than once in your life (well, I certainly have) but you have to put it into practice for yourself to believe it. I'm glad that my Y1S1 results gave me a knock on my head cos I'm not about to let myself repeat the same mistakes again.

"It is through education that we are liberated from powerlessness, from the burden of mistrust directed against ourselves. To awaken the abilities that have been lying dormant within. To arouse and extend the soul’s aspiration to become full and complete. Can there be any more sublime experience in life?" - Daisaku Ikeda

Even the people who shine most are subfuscous.

Response to Y1S1 2014/15 in NUS

HELLO! My blog is a hermit crab who has found a new home: https://enaeki.wordpress.com/

Caution: These are all my personal opinions. In other words, please just take it with a pinch of salt.

I really wanted to do this module review because I had a hard time deciding what mods to take as a freshie and bloggers who did mod reviews really help a lot by just giving me that peace of mind during module bidding. Also, simply because sometimes ivle offers no substantial course descriptions.

Mods that I took in Y1S1: FMA1206M, GL1101E, GEM1031, SN1101E, NM1101E. I will not be revealing my grades because they may set up unrealistic expectations for certain people.


FMA1206M - Food Politics
- Bid points: 300+
- weekly responses, research paper (own choice)

By far the best mod I've taken this sem. The 300+ points were worth it. Super chill prof (Mr Matthew Lepori) but still carries the class well enough - especially during class discussions. I participated quite actively, which was hard not to because there are only 15 in the class (very limited quota) though in the middle I was getting a bit sian cos the various problems of food politics were ultimately based upon a few fundamental issues so it was more like looking at those issues through the various aspects e.g. land, labour etc. We also had to do a one-page response every week based on one part/all of the week's readings; very manageable.

The research paper was 70% and works exactly like an EE (those who took IB will know this) so I thought I had it in the bag but the research period also fell during the presentation overload + midterms weeks so I didn't have a solid research. Which is still, no excuse because I should've given more thought to my research topic. First draft ended up with a less than ideal grade. I was still thankful because I knew that he was rather lenient and gave me extra credit for doing a survey.


GL1101E - Global Issues (Exposure mod for Global Studies)
- Bid points: 200+
- Term paper (assigned questions),
- Group essay/presentation,
- Finals (short and long answer)

GL1101E can be used to fulfil either the Humanities or Social Science exposure basket. This is my intended major so I put in a bit more effort for this module. I participated actively in class throughout the 4 tutorials (I heard all political science mods are like that) and I probably scored quite well for class part because my tutor/lecturer (Dr Hyejin Kim, who is also the author of the novel Jia) actually recognised me outside of class (She couldn't recall my name but it was more that I'd ask for).

For the lectures, I know a few friends that don't like Dr Kim's pictorial-talking style but personally I find it more engaging especially cos she's the type that likes to bring in some personal experiences regarding the topics. So lecture is basically just summary of readings + Kim's own relevant experience.

I liked the readings because they really made you give a second thought about our perceived image of globalisation. The only flip side is that the readings are crazy long. For a freshie. So obviously I didn't finish all the readings. I think 80 pages was the minimum each week haha. But if you're one of those people who keep up on current affairs regularly and have a good background in history, this mod should be rather straightforward and easy to ace. Didn't do too well for my term paper though; I semi-bullshitted my way through 40% of the paper and ended up with (what seemed to be) the average grade for this assignment.

First grade that I got from this mod was a B- (okay this will be the only grade I will ever reveal just to remind myself and others to not repeat my mistakes) and it was a HUGE blow to me because I didn't expect it to be that bad. It was a group essay cum presentation thing and we had to choose one TNC and explore one or more issues surrounding that TNC; e.g. environmental, political. Although I know that our essay wasn't the best shit on earth but I was at least expecting a B/B+. Not because I thought that our essay was superb, but because there were 2 seniors in my group so I thought that the standard of our essay would be sufficient for a decent grade since they've spent an appropriate number of years in NUS. Everyone did what they needed to do but I guess we overestimated ourselves.

The final paper wasn't too bad but certain questions definitely require students to read and analyse the readings rather than simply depending on students' knowledge on concepts/ current affairs/ history.


SN1101E - Exposure module for South Asian Studies
- Bid points: 1
- Group presentation,
- Midterm (MCQs and short answer),
- Finals (long and short answer)

I did okay for midterms cos the MCQs were surprisingly easy except for a few random trivial fact type of questions, unlike NM's. My short answer pulled me down actually, sigh. I was super thankful that the lecturer decided to change the format of this semester's finals(which were not too bad too). Past year papers can be found it in NUS library.

I was quite a umm, leech (SO not proud of it) for group presentation; simply because I had no idea what was going on for the topic that I chose and I had three Year 2s in my group that did a lot of work. There were 6 in a group so we split into 3 pairs for each South Asian country that we covered. My partner literally assigned me what to research on, with 50% of the research already done by him. I feel super bad but at the same time, it was kinda for the better cos I really had no clue where to begin. Will never let this happen again.

There were two main lecturers and both were quite passionate about what they're teaching. Actually most of the info presented during lectures are not too far from the readings(comes as a course pack) so I guess the lectures just made it easier for me to pick out what to take note of. But because I didn't have much of an interest in South Asia (wanted SEA but the bid points were too high), I didn't really enjoy studying for it except for the Sino-South Asia relations and Gender in India topics.


GEM1031 - Study of Names
- Bid points: around 150
- Midterms (short answers, open book)
- Group essay/ presentation
- Term essay (1000 words)
- Finals (short answers, open book)

2 misconception that I had when I decided to take this module. 1) I thought this mod would be super interesting and chill (which is actually not that inaccurate), 2) I overestimated my interest in the English language. I complained a lot about this module because I didn't really consider what I was learning useful? I know I'm probably offending lots of people but for me it was really one of those interesting to know but impractical subjects.

Both the midterms and finals were in similar formats, the prof (Dr Peter Tan) provides past year final papers on IVLE. Both are open book exams, aka saving my ass. Oh, and do bring along your term essay for the final paper!

Actually, now that I think of it, I don't know why I ranted so much about this mod throughout the sem cos the prof is actually a really nice guy and even prints out the notes for you. .... Probably cos I only enjoyed doing the term essay where I did a comparative analysis of puppy names and baby names and was rewarded with a decent score.


NM1101E - Exposure module for Comm. & New Media
Bid points: 1
- 1 individual assignment,
- 2 group assignments,
- Midterm (MCQs),
- Finals (MCQ)

Didn't enjoy this module at all. Lectures were boring, readings were seldom interesting (there was this whole 30 paged chapter on group communication aka talking about teamwork and shit and this was not the only redundant chapter). I remember being shocked by the midterms questions cos I could barely do 50% of the 25 MCQ questions. It was just a bunch of jargon on everyday topics. So, if you don't study and you're bad at guessing the definitions of the terms, don't expect a good grade. Finals were 90 MCQ questions, probably cos they doubled the quota to 400+ for that particular sem and it wasn't too different from midterms; random questions here and there.

Tutorials (1h or less) weren't too bad at first and tutorial time always passed like a bullet train. The only good thing that came out of the tutorials was my marketeers gang (inside joke). By the time we reached the last few tutorials we couldn't even be bothered with the materials that we're suppose to prepare. 3 assignments that we had to complete: 1 individual and 2 group (randomly assigned). Not difficult to score as long as you apply the concepts and having group members who are good at fluffling helps too.


Hope this post will be insightful for anyone who gets to read this and all the best for the upcoming semester! :)

P.S. Year 1s, please take advantage of your S/Us to either 1) clear out compulsory mods that you're not confident in, or 2) take advantage of people who slack around (like I did) and emerge at the top of the bell curves. I was stupid not to make full use of this privilege, don't make the same mistake.

Edit (25/12/2015):
According to Google stats, this is the most-viewed post on my blog. Not surprising because this is one of the more useful posts on my blog HAHA. But the thing that I want to point out is, whether it applies to you or not, please don't be too dependent on such a post like mine. The main objective of me providing this post is just to give a peace of mind to freshies who might find starting school in a new environment daunting and to point out any modules that might differ from their module description. 

I personally feel that at the end of the day, it is best to choose the modules that you find interesting. Of course, it is important to make sure that the modules that you take are manageable, but I just get disappointed when I hear people choosing modules just because they heard that it is easier to do. I have a very average CAP, like second lower kind of average haha, and I definitely wish my CAP can become higher with easy modules but that's not the point of university education. Youth is a time for you to challenge yourself, not fall into a path that is easy to travel.

Let's try to create some meaning in our rigid university system.

Pre-response to end of 2014

It's December, which also means that the year 2014 is coming to an end.

It's really cliche to say this but, this year passed by waaaay too quickly. I always find it sad after looking at my new year resolutions for the year and then realising that I didn't complete even 10% of it. Okay, enough with the self-pitying.

I am planning to do a review on the modules that I took in NUS for my very first semester in the school. So, yeah, that's that. I have nothing else to update omg I'm such a failed blogger. Oh well, this site has always been more of a journal for me to jot down my random thoughts instead of one that caters to the public.

Another year passes by with me wasting my own time despite all that I've been through in the past 2 years. My rabbit probably accomplished more than I did this year, like, eating two carrots under ten minutes or something. Now aren't I a great example of us genetically superior humans?

Response to my social life

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm socially awkward. Or rather, whether I have an emotional barrier. I just never seem to get super close with people. Like in YEP, I actually spent like 3-4 months(met on a weekly basis) with the people in my group but they just look a lot closer with each other than I am. It's not as if they aren't nice people, they are honestly some of the most admirable people I've ever met despite their flaws(that they admit to. Which is of course another reason why they're so admirable). But the fact that I don't feel as bonded like everyone else are is one of the reasons why I felt that I didn't get the most out of  it(the other reasons are more personal) I just... can't seem to let anyone see the whole truth of me. Like, my screwed up side. I just don't see the need to, maybe. I have no trouble talking to new people though I'm never the most sociable or endearing character.

To me, other people always seem to be having more fun than I am(whether it is genuine or not). I find lots of joy alone, but I have this gut feeling that I can experience so much more when it's just more than one person. I want others to feel my sincerity, but sometimes, I wonder if I have any.

Quote of the month

A quote that has been giving me the strength to last through this revision week:

"When your determination changes, everything will begin to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, 'This is never going to work out,' then at that instant every single cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight." - Daisaku Ikeda

An Abysmal Cliff

University is no joke. I'm finding it quite tough to cope. Of course, I'm not stretched to my limits yet. The thing is, I have no idea what's my limit. Because I'm a slacker. I try to take things easy most of them. But sometimes, I feel like plunging myself into a state of total struggle; to experience abysmal. Not because I have nothing better to do, but because I feel like it's time to challenge myself. The last time I had this feeling was... slightly more than a year ago? When I made the decision to join YEP. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and yet I felt that I still didn't make the most out of it.

Why am I always like this? When will I ever stretch myself enough to reach my best? Right now, I'd say things are not easy for me; I'm trying too juggle between school(my first year in college) and work(I work part-time every Wednesday night and on weekends). On top of this, I have YFP training and SAVE subcomm(where I need to start contributing more). I feel more tired physically and mentally(although not so much), but I still feel that it's not enough. But at the same time, I'm having thoughts about quitting SAVE. It's weird how I find my involvement unnecessary when 1) I don't put in enough efforts to fight for its cause, 2) I know precisely how much support environment clubs need, 3) I tend to sneer at those that don't give enough shit to environmental issues. Yet, I find myself falling into nonchalance.  

My beliefs and ideals still stand... But what have I done so far to achieve them? I give myself excuses that it's not my time yet, when I know that opportunities must be created by myself.

I'm pissing me off. Hah.

Response to tattoos

I'm supposed to be doing work now; hell lot of deadlines coming up but I just felt like writing. #geekyYOLO

From my blog stats, I realised(British spelling) that most of readers are from the U.S.(20 hour flight from Singapore). Don't know if you guys know this, but in Asian countries like mine, people tend to associate people with tattoos as gangsters. Probably due to the Asian tradition of getting a gang tattoo when you become a gang member. People just don't take tattoos too well basically. Of course, this is more common among the older generation(middle-aged and above) than the younger generation.

My mother would always remind me not to get tattoos when she sees anyone with a substantial amount of tattoos on their bodies. That I'll regret it when I get older. So, naturally, I never gave much thought to tattoos, and even remember myself sneering at some with unsightly tattoos. Yes, that was very judgmental and wrong of me. And you might be surprised to know that this post is about me wanting to get a tattoo for the first time in my life, mainly because of this tattoo artist that I chanced upon. I love how clean and simple they are; like a permanent pen doodle or something.

I guess this is also an example of 1) how brainwashing stereotypes are(like, I think I spent more than 10 years of my life thinking "guys with tattoos" = "bad people"), 2) our parents are NOT always right(right/wrongness is subjective), 3) being more open-minded gives you new, refreshing thoughts.

Why I decided to take up a religion

There are several reasons why I felt the need to seriously take up a religion, some of which I do not feel like sharing on my blog just yet. The ultimate reason that made me take up faith can be summarised in a single quote: "Wisest is she who knows she does not know." Jostein Gaarder mentioned this in his book, 'Sophie's World'(which is my book-version of a soulmate despite the fact that I have not yet finished reading it) and I think Aristotle or Socrates said something like that as well. 

I know this quote is quite a paradox, since it implies that the wisest person knows that she does not know, so technically she does know something: that she does not know. But I guess the real point behind this quote is that you can't possibly, truly know anything since truth is also defined as justified true belief. And I, for one, will not settle and agree that any justification is totally objective, accurate or reliable. Everything that I know as knowledge is only so because that's what I choose to believe. 

And since I can't say anything is totally 'true', I decided to start choosing the best 'truths' for myself. Thus I ended up seriously taking up Nichiren Buddhism because I decided to agree with at least 90% of what this religion claims and I just really like what it stands for. If it's going to take up a huge part of my life, it might as well be the best. And yes, I do believe that taking up this religion is better than having none or being strongly against religions because the thing about Nichiren Buddhism is that it focuses a lot on human revolution(something along the lines of development of inner self to attain buddhahood[indestructable happiness]). I find myself reflecting more and being more considerate of others and yeah, for now I'm happy with what I settled with.  

Response to joy & suffering

Apr 2016 edit: Wow, less than 2 years ago I was so motivated and ambitious... What happened to me? Today, I just complain about college on a daily basis and relent to the 'reality' that I am powerless when it comes to making a change in this world. Thank you 2014 self, for reminding of the optimism (some say naivety) I once had. I will try my best to find it again. #1 reason why keeping a blog and re-reading your old posts should be everyone's hobby.

Found this blog post in my draft and I'm publishing this because I think it's kinda relevant to the post that I published 1 minute ago(may be a bit repetitive cos I didn't want to change anything from this draft):

Yesterday, I received a message from a friend and it was a meme that was kinda like the one below. It's not the actual meme that he sent me but the underlying message was similar.



Anyway, he said to remember that there is always someone in a worse situation than you. I suppose it was suppose to teach me to be grateful and feel more optimistic. Not that I needed it but what on earth. How on earth am I suppose to feel encouraged about knowing that I am not in the worst situation possible, knowing that other people are suffering much more? In fact, it makes me feel bad that I am not doing anything to help improve their situations. Honestly, I don't think I can do much as a 19-year-old and yeah some of you, the very ones who are doing nothing as well, will go: "Aww come on, that's just an excuse. You can do soooo many things!"

No.

I alone cannot solve global warming, bring down corrupted governments, stop violence with my current status and knowledge. Heck, I can't even get my siblings to behave! So yes, I am as helpless and as worthless as anyone can be. But this does not mean that I stay stagnant. I do not plan to stay this way and I am still figuring out how I can help to solve the many problems in our "admittedly imperfect world"(as told by Franklin Roosevelt).

Also, I much prefer memes like this: